We tend to toss the word love around on social
media, so much so, at times, that maybe it’s lost its potency. I
rationalize my usage of it by telling myself that really I love
everyone, so why not tell random people? Still, it’s a bit
odd, isn’t it? I think one thing that contributes to this warm and
fuzzy feeling is the amount of time I spend using social media every
day. I interact with the people I know there more than I do almost
anyone else in my life. Why wouldn’t I feel a closeness
to them that can, at times, transcend whatever distance there is
between us or whatever limitations actually having never met can add to a
relationship? Some of these connections become such that it all of a
sudden feels odd if a day goes by without any communication.
Am I addicted? Probably.
Years ago, I met a group of men and women from all
over the country on a message board on E! Online. We bonded over our
mutual TV addiction. I have a number of what I consider harmless
addictions. I suppose I could be learning a foreign
language or thoroughly cleaning my house or considering a solution to
the current economic crisis, but I’d rather watch TV or Tweet. Anyway,
this group of nine women and three men became pretty close friends.
Eventually we took our communication off the
message boards and began to email. Some days there were a hundred
emails. Eventually some of us texted, messaged and began to speak on
the phone. We became friends on Facebook. Our topics of conversation
grew beyond television. Almost nine years later,
nearly all of us have met each other. I have traveled to Los Angeles,
Seattle, and New York City to stay with some of them and I have had
visitors from Dallas, Austin, Los Angeles, other parts of California,
Idaho and even Oregon come to visit me. The friend
from Idaho fell so in love with my friends in Minnesota that, after two
visits, she decided to move here. Stronger bonds have developed
between some of us and our communications have broken off from the
larger group. We still also email as a group. The
experience of meeting these people online and then in person has been,
for me, one of the most emotionally fulfilling and cherished of my
life.
It can and does happen and not everyone, in fact
not many of the people you meet on the internet are as crazy as you’d
maybe imagine. Oh sure, some are certifiable. Many are, let’s just
say, enthusiastic. I’ve rarely, though, had experiences
with the mean folk who so often populate the social media verse. Sure
I’ve seen them, but I tend to steer clear. I prefer my drama scripted,
well written and acted, and confined to a TV or movie screen. And I
don’t tolerate bullying or cruelty. It’s easy
enough to just go elsewhere. As I’ve said there are heaps of positive
people. They’re not hard to find and they outnumber the crazies and the
meanies, a hundred to one, at least as far as I’ve seen. A friend of
mine recently called social media a
buyer’s market. That makes sense. You can’t trust everyone
online just like you can’t trust every single co-worker or every single
person you meet in a bar or on the street. Hell, I have people I’m
connected to by blood that I trust less than a handful
of the people I’ve come in contact with online. I suppose you need to
kick the tires, so to speak.
A few months ago I met a woman on Twitter and we
quickly became close. I trusted her enough to exchange phone numbers
and we talked on the phone for what amounted to several hours over the
course of a dozen or so calls. I eventually came
to read her tweets and absorb them in her voice. That experience as a
whole is one I highly recommend. It’s pretty amazing to take in
someone’s thoughts and hear their beautiful voice in your head as you
read.
The experience with this one person turned horrid.
It turned out she was not at all who she claimed to be. I should have
kicked those tires harder, apparently. Her pictures were fake. Her
story was fake. The woman was not the age she
claimed to be. She didn’t live where she said she did. I was
understandably stunned by the level of deceit. Why? What was the
point? I have no problem understanding the need for attention or even
the desire to be someone else, but this woman took these
things to whole new levels. Immediately after being confronted by some
of those she had deceived she took the stolen pictures down, at least
from Twitter, and proceeded to reinvent herself on Facebook. That alone
sent me over the edge. Those hours on the
phone, promises made, secrets shared none of it appeared to have meant a
thing. So I was left to grieve the loss of a friend. I have no
culpability on her end. I can only feel and mourn what was there on
mine.
I will not allow this person to ruin my experiences
elsewhere or mar the camaraderie I’ve come to cherish on Twitter. I
think it’s important to step back every so often and check your
surroundings. Most of us have decent enough bullshit
detectors. WE just have to pay attention to them. Because of some of
the people I met on Twitter and their encouragement, I began writing
this blog. Because of the blog, I began writing a novel, fulfilling a
lifelong dream. It’s funny that I never started
before or rather never continued after dozens of false starts. The
people on Twitter were so supportive and the time must have been right,
in my life. It has truly been and, I hope, continues to be a joy in my
life. I look forward to sharing much more of
what I’ve been working on the past two months soon. Even the woman who
lied callously and repeatedly encouraged me. I told her once that, one
day, I’d likely write about her. I try to keep my promises. I never
imagined though that this is how the story
would go.
